Why do we write?

I remember going for a day out with my family. We didn't decide a place but it was to be somewhere calm and quiet where we can all sit and eat and enjoy. Around 25 km out of Raipur ( capital of Chattisgarh ) we were on road to a place I still don't know. It was the simplest place I ever visited. Open road covered with high trees on both ends and sunlight trying to penetrate through the thick leaves-covered branches. Lush green fields all around till where the eyes could go. The grass on the roadside was such that it gave you a feeling like you know it's the softest thing you'd ever step foot on.
And all I wanted to do was sit and write. With the open fields moving out of my window I could see myself sitting with my guitar beside and a pen in my hand. I wanted to describe it so beautifully that visiting the place becomes an understatement. I had a smile on my face all the while. The songs played on my ear pieces continuously but I could hardly understand 'em, I was secretly glad that i couldn't hear a word what anyone in the car was saying and later I realised I didn't miss it.
Dad had the A.C. on but seeing how indulged they were in talking I quietly lowered the window glass. And like the fresh cold water, the air splashed my face. It became hard to take the first breath but the moment it touched my insides, I swear to God I lost the track of surroundings, for a while I was cold then quiet and finally relaxed. I never felt so close to myself before.
We finally stopped in the middle of no where. It felt to be the kind of place where I belonged. The more I looked around, more words flushed into my mind. I could have done anything for a pen at that moment. Not many would consider it a sane reaction but I believed there are some who would.
Then I realised why I have a blog that I haven't told many about, but still update often. Because I love to write, I love how in 26 letters of the language you can fit everything. At times it becomes so difficult to say certain things out loud but writing takes all emotions out, one at a time. And the best example for this is cell phones, I've always noticed when when you call someone its maximum for 20 mins but texting each other can go on for the entire day.Writing to me is simplest and most romantic way of doing something. I didn't want expert comments or advices or teachings on what I wrote. I did want to learn but all by myself.

So here I am with another post and another smile on my face and slight pride, although I know not many are gonna read this.
But perhaps, this is what makes it so special for me.

The Year 2o1o

This year has been the most eye opening, restraining and crazy year of my life. I did and faced things I had never wanted or imagined to do. But the best thing so far was how life changing it all proved to be. Well life is a hard teacher: Test first, lessons later.

These are few of the things I learnt. I’m posting ‘em here, so that if no one else, then at least I remember what’s important:

Ø  If they don’t do sorry, you don’t do social service either.

Ø  If you do Good, good happens to you.

Ø  If you do Bad, well pay-backs a bitch.

Ø  Always in tough times, there will be one friend who’ll stand oblivious to anything said against you. And another friend who’ll ensure that the person speaking those words is burnt alive and buried half-dead.

Ø  There’s only one thing to do with BullShit, flush it!

Ø  Ever in doubt, go have a nice sleep.

Ø  Accept your mistakes only when you ARE sorry.

Ø  It’s important you advertise your sorry (when you are sorry), in front of those who matter.

Ø  The more you worry, the more you eat.

Ø  Don’t let your best friend be your mum; she’ll start scolding you otherwise.

Ø  It doesn’t matter what some 20 people on the face of the earth think about you. Avoid! And please, stop justifying yourself to them.

Ø  If you know you are right, stay with it.

Ø  Saying what’s on your mind is NOT arguing.

Ø  Face book is a big-time stupid idiot.

Ø  Every relationship has an expiration date.

Ø  The process of cleansing is bloody painful, so you might just wanna get it over with.

Ø  Memories are important; they are the intangible examples of good times and great mistakes.

Ø  Life always gives you second chances.

Ø  If someone’s done something nice, appreciate it. It’s encouraging.

Ø  No matter what, at the end of all, your family will be with you.

Ø  Siblings are the biggest supporters in life. And the biggest comforters.

Ø  Nothing is more awakening than a slap.

Ø  A little bit of jealousy is a good thing. Concentrate on the words ‘little bit’.

Ø  It takes lot of courage to forgive. Revenge is bittersweet.  But as dramatic as it sounds, it always helps to let go.

Ø  Never hold back a ‘thank you’. Neither grudges (you never know who might rise from death).

Ø   Just stick to what’s important, rest is BullShit. And there’s only one thing to do with BS...

Ø  Just because you dated someone, doesn’t mean you can’t be friends.

Ø  Oh! There’s a different between ‘dating’ and ‘committed’.

Ø  Enemy is a state of mind.

Ø  Wait a while before you trust. And never break one. Because that makes it impossible for trusting again.

Ø  Love is way more than romantically falling for someone of the opposite sex.

Ø  Life is beautiful; you just need the right people to see it.

xoxo

Love struck ?

My dear love-struck-but-never-received-heart-broken friends, there's something I'd like to share from my personal experiences: as awesome as the word sounds NOSTALGIA is a BITCH !
Move on. Throw away. Burn down or if bio-degradable then dig a hole and decompose anything that reminds you of him or her. Single hood is a bliss. Think about the good things:
* You can flirt with anyone ;-)
* You have more time to hang out with your friends (with no questions asked)
* Date anyone you like
* Best thing is, you'll have a really sad break up-cum-heart break => sympathy votes :D
Of course there are some drawbacks to it, you see, every coin has two faces. You might feel lonely and stuff at times blah blah. But all you need to do is avoid certain kind of atmosphere for some time, like:
* hanging out with couples...real bad move. At an unavoidable situation, try to emphasis on the fights or differences of a relationship (IN YOUR MIND). Or just do the previous exercise out loud :p
* you might simply chose to move on.

Moving on tips
* Get drunk and abuse him (sorry not applicable for 'her')
Frankly, just ignore everything anyone says about your relationship or anything that I've written above. There is just one person who can make you happy and thats you !
Your best friends or siblings or parents can just help you to feel better but no one can change your feelings. Past is like a mole on the skin, you might try to hide it with loads of make up but it'll always be there, hidden beneath. And its more certain than today or tomorrow because it's already happened and unchangeable. There's so much as just one way, acceptance.
The quicker you be true to yourself about your feeling the easier it'll be to move forward. Always remember, it happened and ignorance wont change it but acceptance can help you :)

xoxo

sTaTus

I know how everyone cares their about "what's on your mind?" in various social networking sites. And I, personally love it when my status have lots of comments or likes :P So, I'll keep updating this as and when I get better status..till then enjoy :)

Written by me

...so the book is all about Bella- her feelings, her life, her complications, her family, her safety. But the movie is only about one thing 'Edward'

...Every girl wants a Vampire who sparkles in the sun. Lucky me...I am straight. 

...so the lion left the lamb. Then the lamb fell in love with a wolf. Then the lion came back..And well the lamb's all confused :P

...have you seen a werewolf about 6'2" black hair, amazing abs in the woods lately..? Because mine has been missing :(

...Juliet got romeo, Bella got Edward, Ginny got Harry, Monica got Chandler, Rose got Jack, and I got MYSELF..pure Bliss..!

...how is 'boredom' an excuse to kill some one..? good-enough..?

...realized my letter from Hogwarts wont arrive, no Mr Cullen is single, there's no Narnia behind my closet, my Town isn't called Mystic Falls: Life's meaningless :|

...Best thing about dogs: if you're mad at them, you can call them a son of a bitch and never feel guilty about it.

...if you don't like the way I live, then there's a good news for you : I DON'T CARE.

...What do we learn from Mary-Jane, Lois & Bella. That its not so cool to be a superhero's girlfriend afterall, coz all the bad guys come after you & all the good guys are scared of you.

...To all my friends who have just woken up - Good morning. To all my friends who are off to bed - Good night ha..?

...Thanks to FB\Myspace\etc now I've realised that how some people I never talked to, are so sweet :)

...I always wanna be that some one beyond whom you'd never need any one else.

...Weird isn't it, that the only person you wish to be understood by is the one who makes you believe that no one can ever understand you.

...(he/she) is like a drug I know I shouldn't take, but which keeps coming back to feed my addiction.

...At times I wish, there was this one person who knowing the fact that I'm terribly wrong, would still blindly support me.. I just wish

...I'd never know what's it like to live without you. Because without you, it won't be 'living'.

...is in serious need of a Fairy-God Mother. Vacancies open, PLz apply below :)

...you know what??? Well I know you don't...so I wont tell ya :P :P :P :P

...My life's not a fairytale, doesn't mean I'm not a princess. My Prince Charming would surely come, if not a white horse, I'd settle for a white Porsche...

...Dear God, I hope you're giving me a long life, coz if I come up there in this state of life...you're gonna have a hard time (:x)

...Acc to dictionary, Rumour means-A piece of unverified information of uncertain origin. But acc to some assholes in my school, it means creative writing ..l.

...When I type 'Be Right Back' I'm actually just nervously sitting here on my PC thinking how not to act nervous in front of you <3

...Just because you love someone doesn't mean you're supposed to be with them. And just because you're not with them doesn't mean you don't love them. :)

...loves sleeping...coz dreams take me closer to you

...hates apples.

...can't update whats on his/her mind. Its evil :P

Memoir

 Just my way of saying..we'll miss you.

Eventually in life you meet a lot of people. Some of them you get close with, while some, just are the prettiest shades of memory.

I know I was never that close to him to be able to write an entire post about him but the fact that I won’t see him ones in a while or my sister won’t be able to tell me more reports about me...or that he won’t be there, anymore, sends chills to my spine.

Ankur Pathak or for me Ankur bhaiya, an exuberant champ. Ironically, he was always full of life and energy that around him you have to really work hard not to laugh or get caught in his vibes. He was a kind of person that would make you want to know him more. 

I don’t know when I first met him, but the latest I remember was in VIth grade, i.e. when my sister, NJ was in XIth grade and his classmate. Every time I went to their class, he would be the first to greet me, always. Thanks to him, there wasn’t a single day when NJ’s lunch box was saved for NJ; it was pretty clear to mum that the lunch wasn’t for her daughter but she was rather happy with the fact someone loved and finished it every single day. After school we’d stand in front of the gate and he would without fail find something or the other to tease me or amaze me. He has always considered me like his 'cute-lil' sis; and because of that he'd call NJ to complain about times, he considered, I'd lost my brains.

We never met on regular bases after he cleared his schooling. Twice or thrice, when NJ would be home, he’d come and because of that it’s still difficult to grasp that he’s not around anymore. For me it’s just like the time when he’s not coming and probably next Diwali he’d come in his favourite bike that would stop 10m in front of our home.

He was great at heart, ever-smiling and considered his responsibility to make everyone around him laugh. He's been best at every relationship he's been in: a brother, a son and most of all a friend to all.

Keep smiling bhaiya.

I know one thing for sure; vo jaha bhi hain, he’s sharing a couple of jokes and making everyone around, laugh their guts out.

R.I.P

My Favorite Poem..NOT SELF COMPOSED

The Almost Marriage 

               by Amy Cavanaugh

Our deep blue Crystals of Eyes

Allow their sunny and smiling gazes

To touch: This is our Destiny

Carved out in Golden Stone.

I- Suicide himself am.

Commit me you nealy do

At your wide open window of Night.

Freedom's moon oversees you doll

up.

Your curvy slim frame you drape

In pale white: Freely flowing

In Privacy's Autumn Breeze.

Your sheer white curtains copy

And sway to the song sung beween

Conformity and Nonconformity.

Freedom's moon stifles her

Smirk: Silent- Silver- and Seductive like me.

Leaves conceal themselves. They crackle their

Crispy brown bodies as they drift down

To dirt and you- Eccentric-

Are pregnant with Envy herself.

I stand well- dressed in my

Black Suit- wait to catch

You- and sweep you away-

As I did with my father- Destiny!

Your Yellow Candle flickers in your window

Among the Dark and 'stars'

Lack Originality's vibrant wings by copying them.

Freedom's moon fades and

Turns her Black Back on such

Childish mimicry. Fireflies flash and

Keep 'chirping' insects company.

Your heart bleeds for the

Unbearable fact that they're unreachable

and Unpredictable. Your old wooden floor-

Creaks- beneath your- stone- cold feet-

Almost- Rejecting- Their Emptiness-

Inevitably- You are:

Itching- twitching-

Aching- breaking-

Sighing- dying-

HIDING 

Pieces of my puzZle..!

This is a dedication to al of them.. :)

Amit Bhimnani or as I like to call him Ummm-it . He is one of the guys who is always there for me.. I might not always be in touch with him, but he has a tendency to pop on the times when I need him the most. He is a total sweet heart and would rarely get offended by no matter how I treat him. He's like totally cool and never brags about it. He has a weird way of being a great friend and he's got no clue that I think so highly of him. Well, thats because I never let him...hehe.
He's got another weird thing that I simply love, 'Happy BirthDay' whenever I'm low or sad or just talking to him after long, he'd smile and say Happy BirhDay. I like it everytime, every single time it makes me feel better. Like I mentioned its weird, but I love it :)
My favorite thing about him is his height..when I first met him, I was all...whaaaattttt???? Ya he thinks its not a big deal and all..blah blah..but 'm like seriously into that. My sweetest buddy and a total flirt. For instance, how I came to know Amit, is through a call that was meant to be for my friend. And though we'd never heard about each other ever, we had a solid 20 mins conversation. Hmm..thats Amit.

Ambarish Dudey some one who never fails to support me. He would never think I could be wrong..but childishly stupid, pampered and arrogant. I think he's right :P I hate his name..although he thinks it's something to do with some God so its cool and all but whatever. Well, I'm still looking for a nick name for him. He calls me Minti *I-have-no-clue-why*, doesn't really bother me, the name's cool. Ambarish is the simplest person I've known and he is possibly the only person who's got zero complains from me. Everything that I do is eventually 'understand'able by him. He's sweet to the core and my life's 10,000+ problems are like turning into his favorite song that he has to listen over and over again, for the rest of life. When first I met him, it was on a railway station, wasn't much of a meeting though. Shockingly I've met him just once..and that date didn't go so well. Truly it ended terribly. But that kinda thing happens alot around me..For example Shrey Nigam.

Shrey..well..we've recently had a fight..so he wasn't so eager to hand his pic to me. We've known each other since 9th std..and we talked for the first time when..well there are two versions of how we started talking: HIS VERSION- according to him, he was singing In The End and I joined him then we talked; or MY VERSION-  according to me, he was singing In The End, wrong, and I corrected him then we talked. Well its obvious who's right. I haven't met him for over two years now and its great to see how we're still on so good terms, umm well if he starts talking to me again. I agree it's my mistake; I sort of lied to him, but it was required for then and please we're friends, right? So dude, if you ever read this, I AM SORRY. His nick name for me is insane :P which he totally is, apart from being a carefree jerk and most supporting moron :)

Finally, Tannya Brahme aka Honey, my bestest friend ever. She knows everything..EVERYTHING about me and my life. One hell of a great companion. She's amazingly sexy and another thing that only her close pals know is that she's very very emotional. At times she would cry seeing me cry and I would wonder what exactly is hurting her until I realized it was my pain that hurt her. She would always understand my weird talks and no matter how lame or pathetic or mostly, confusing they are. The only person who has self-proclaimed rights to shout at me when and where ever she wants to, or how-ever she wants to. The best part about her is that it takes a lot of strength to be mad at her; she has this weird charm or something. Whenever she does something I should be mad about or be ready to kill her, she'll just do something, I dunno what but something and so I never get a chance to be mad at her, let alone shout. Plus she doesnt let me be mad at anyone. She knows the secret of kicking my anger away..well its a secret yet hidden from me. When I first met her, I hated her. I thought she was arrogant and total show off like those 'plastic gals' And now when I think of it I realise that I wasn't so wrong after all.

I have realised that my friends have become such an integral part of my life that when in any problem and m alone, I imagine in my head what each of them whould be suggesting and I love every second of that insanity. My BFFs <3

Those unsaid words..

There have been a lot of times in our life when either we're asked something we don't want to answer or something that we want to but choose not to answer. Unfortunately, in both these situations some one gets hurt.
A friend ones told me, that the most difficult thing for him to do is not say things thats lingers within him. I always thought its just something he chose to believe, but recently I started to observe how much it hurts to hold back those thoughts, that you think, are meant to be heard. Isn't it important that what we think or believe, if ever, is challenged then should be vouched for?
I don't mean to start babbling out every word or thought jumping in and out of us; what I want to explain is how those mysterious smiles or awkward silences could be better handled with simple words.
Its easier to shout the first thing that comes to your mind, but the tougher part is to say actually what we feel. You see our mind has prenotions about absolutely everything and we usually ignore them.
I know you've heard it alot that some things are better unsaid but then its nothing more than a cliche; an excuse for those who regret hiding back their feelings. If something means so important, that the very thought of saying it out loud gives you goosebumps, then trust me its worth a shot to just express. Then again those prenotions aren't always correct, right? So at times it is relieving to know that what we didn't say was better kept so.
I have done both of those mistakes, more than just a couple of times. And I realised that you can obviously not un-do if you said something wrong but you can always make up for the damage caused. On the other hand things that you could have said but didn't, are simply a miss. Its like there's always a time for things and when you leave something unsaid, you loose that one precious moment that was given as a opportunity for you to make or break it.

It hurts both ways, to be expecting things that are never said and to not say that we so much want to. What holds us back is fear. Simple fear of committing a mistake, of being down-right wrong. And eventually, some things are always unsaid.
Take a chance and open you're heart to those you want to; 'cause those unsaid words, hurt the most.

A Random Dream

Another of those nights when it takes 4 episodes of 'How I Met Your Mother', couple of favorite songs and 1 winning match of Mahjong Titans to get me to sleep. Another of those nights when I think of my life's spoof- well, things I would have wanted in life, My fairytale version of absolutely everything. Another of those nights with another random dream...

Frame 1 : A not-so-ordinary hospital: high tech, nano instruments, open room except for a young couple and their newly born baby. They seemed happy, tears of joy rolling down their cheeks.

Scene change ..!

Frame 2 : Big open space, a cycle uncontrollably rushing across the street ridden by a playful green eyed boy and his mother calling him from the front door.

Scene change ..!

Frame 3 : Baby's 18th birthday. The birthday boy busy partying with his friends and the parents secretly weeping. They looked worried and had swollen eyes.

Scene change ..!

Frame 4 : Boy out with his parents celebration his first job but no one seemed happy. Fear and anxiety was holding every positive thought back.

Scene change ..!

Frame 5 : The boy had turned 28 and was standing with his wife and 3 yr old daughter next to his Parents. He talked to his father, hugged him and cried with him for the last time.

Scene change ..!

Frame 6 : The man had left his house. He was sitting alone in a dark room until the door opened and four men came. He knew it was to happen from the very beginning but being close to the moment, had shaken his soul. He could hardly see anything more then their silhouette but distinctly heard their words; those last words...

'Sir, due to the growing population the Governments all over the world has decided to keep the population under control through any means possible and hence no man is privileged to live beyond the 'age of limit'. We're sorry, but its in favor of all mankind.'

The second man moved towards him withdrawing a small injection from his pocket.

Sitting on the chair he closed his eyes for the last time, for ever.

EPILOGUE

I know it sounds lame to see a dream like this, but I some how felt how the earth is crashing down due to us and how every small mistake is leading to my dream. One dream I wish never turns into reality...one random dream.

Well not so random after all :P

Memory

Touches me softly,

it smiles,

I stay quiet.

Waiting to be taken over;

engulfed in the tenderness,

of your memory, as it smiles.. :)

SuiCide

The Oxford Dictionary explains 'suicide' to be the action of killing oneself intentionally. I on the other hand beg to differ there. Suicide is the unintentional way of ending the circumstantial pressure on one's self. The circumstantial pressure is nothing more than the changes in priorities without noticing the needs and wants of mind which creates a situation that one cannot manage on personal level but is bound to do so.. This pressure can be the significant result of mistakes, over thinking or under thinking or never thinking at all. Life might look like unfair, but its build up on the scale that balances good and bad, the mistake is on our part that we glorify the wrong and ignore good in it.

Dad thinks that suicide is Act of coward!! He agrees life is difficult but worth it. And I believe its an act of selfish.. Life's not our property to kill but others responsibility on us; all those who have been a part of it, all those who still care about our wellbeing. We decide to put an end on our sufferings by giving reasons for others to suffer. Its pretty easy to jump off the roof and end our life, ending all problems with it but what would happen to those who are heading a good life because of our presence. Our absence will create an un-repairable vacuum in their life.

OVERVIEW

The present suicide rate in India is over 100,000 people per year, which alone contributes to around 10% of world. The biggest hit amongst this is age-group 15 to 29 as this is the age when we are least capable of managing our insecurities and complete nonchalant to share it those who can better understand.

Apart all the research and gravity of the situation the reasons beyond each committed suicide are always debatable. What is important to note is Situation worsen and people change but there's a point beyond which nothing can go wrong...the break through; because after falling on ground there's just one way to go and that is up.

Well, there could be two possible reasons of you reading this post now : either you suddenly became interested in suicide like me or you planning ways to kill yourself..in either of two, you have better things to do. If you still stick to the plan of committing suicide then do it, not physically but mentally- end living for yourself but start living for those who need you..

Toddles

:)