Code of Chatting

Some how, mostly internet has narrowed down to one thing and one thing alone : Chatting. Its addictive, relaxing, informative (if gossiping is your forte) and fun, so I heard. Personally I've never been a fan of chatting. Its lethargic, methodical and in various small and frequent doses, awkward.
I always wished there was this written down 'Code of Conduct' for chatting and since I didn't want one from someone else, here is my version of it.
Enjoy
xoxo

• Don't start with 'wassup'. Seriously, its so irritating. 'wassup?? wassup??' You wanna know what is up? ITS THE CEILING. Just raise your head and check it.!
• If someone starts with 'wassup' please don't say ceiling, its just rude.
• Don't use capital letter, WHEN YOU USE CAPS IT MAKES THE READER FEEL LIKE YOU ARE SHOUTING, unless you are shouting, then you're good to go.
• Wanna kill a chat? Just walk away, don't reply 'hmm' to every question. Its makes the other person wanna kill you.
• Just because you're a girl doesn't mean you have to wait for the guy to pop first. Its a l'il lame.
• Excess use of smiley is weird (trust me). Then again, plain words won't help expressing your tone correctly (mostly with being sarcastic).
• Don't get way too personal way too quick. Asking about the relationship status in the first convo is avoidable, so may be you'd wanna avoid it. Especially if you're talking to a person of opposite sex (which, lets face it, is always the case).
• Flirting is not banned. But make sure you've reached that comfort level first. Otherwise its just desperate and sad :p
• Its gonna sound totally unlikely me, but yes, small talks can do wonders.
• Again, if the person's trying for small talks, reciprocate.
• And ya, its 'lol' not lolzzz or lolllll and its definitely not lollaa.
• If you are a person like me, who'd tend to get knocked down when people try to be nice and friendly through chatting, just stay offline. It sure helps.

Finally, in a slightly unrelated note, never send a private message like 'please add me' NEVER.