Those unsaid words..

There have been a lot of times in our life when either we're asked something we don't want to answer or something that we want to but choose not to answer. Unfortunately, in both these situations some one gets hurt.
A friend ones told me, that the most difficult thing for him to do is not say things thats lingers within him. I always thought its just something he chose to believe, but recently I started to observe how much it hurts to hold back those thoughts, that you think, are meant to be heard. Isn't it important that what we think or believe, if ever, is challenged then should be vouched for?
I don't mean to start babbling out every word or thought jumping in and out of us; what I want to explain is how those mysterious smiles or awkward silences could be better handled with simple words.
Its easier to shout the first thing that comes to your mind, but the tougher part is to say actually what we feel. You see our mind has prenotions about absolutely everything and we usually ignore them.
I know you've heard it alot that some things are better unsaid but then its nothing more than a cliche; an excuse for those who regret hiding back their feelings. If something means so important, that the very thought of saying it out loud gives you goosebumps, then trust me its worth a shot to just express. Then again those prenotions aren't always correct, right? So at times it is relieving to know that what we didn't say was better kept so.
I have done both of those mistakes, more than just a couple of times. And I realised that you can obviously not un-do if you said something wrong but you can always make up for the damage caused. On the other hand things that you could have said but didn't, are simply a miss. Its like there's always a time for things and when you leave something unsaid, you loose that one precious moment that was given as a opportunity for you to make or break it.

It hurts both ways, to be expecting things that are never said and to not say that we so much want to. What holds us back is fear. Simple fear of committing a mistake, of being down-right wrong. And eventually, some things are always unsaid.
Take a chance and open you're heart to those you want to; 'cause those unsaid words, hurt the most.

A Random Dream

Another of those nights when it takes 4 episodes of 'How I Met Your Mother', couple of favorite songs and 1 winning match of Mahjong Titans to get me to sleep. Another of those nights when I think of my life's spoof- well, things I would have wanted in life, My fairytale version of absolutely everything. Another of those nights with another random dream...

Frame 1 : A not-so-ordinary hospital: high tech, nano instruments, open room except for a young couple and their newly born baby. They seemed happy, tears of joy rolling down their cheeks.

Scene change ..!

Frame 2 : Big open space, a cycle uncontrollably rushing across the street ridden by a playful green eyed boy and his mother calling him from the front door.

Scene change ..!

Frame 3 : Baby's 18th birthday. The birthday boy busy partying with his friends and the parents secretly weeping. They looked worried and had swollen eyes.

Scene change ..!

Frame 4 : Boy out with his parents celebration his first job but no one seemed happy. Fear and anxiety was holding every positive thought back.

Scene change ..!

Frame 5 : The boy had turned 28 and was standing with his wife and 3 yr old daughter next to his Parents. He talked to his father, hugged him and cried with him for the last time.

Scene change ..!

Frame 6 : The man had left his house. He was sitting alone in a dark room until the door opened and four men came. He knew it was to happen from the very beginning but being close to the moment, had shaken his soul. He could hardly see anything more then their silhouette but distinctly heard their words; those last words...

'Sir, due to the growing population the Governments all over the world has decided to keep the population under control through any means possible and hence no man is privileged to live beyond the 'age of limit'. We're sorry, but its in favor of all mankind.'

The second man moved towards him withdrawing a small injection from his pocket.

Sitting on the chair he closed his eyes for the last time, for ever.

EPILOGUE

I know it sounds lame to see a dream like this, but I some how felt how the earth is crashing down due to us and how every small mistake is leading to my dream. One dream I wish never turns into reality...one random dream.

Well not so random after all :P

Memory

Touches me softly,

it smiles,

I stay quiet.

Waiting to be taken over;

engulfed in the tenderness,

of your memory, as it smiles.. :)

SuiCide

The Oxford Dictionary explains 'suicide' to be the action of killing oneself intentionally. I on the other hand beg to differ there. Suicide is the unintentional way of ending the circumstantial pressure on one's self. The circumstantial pressure is nothing more than the changes in priorities without noticing the needs and wants of mind which creates a situation that one cannot manage on personal level but is bound to do so.. This pressure can be the significant result of mistakes, over thinking or under thinking or never thinking at all. Life might look like unfair, but its build up on the scale that balances good and bad, the mistake is on our part that we glorify the wrong and ignore good in it.

Dad thinks that suicide is Act of coward!! He agrees life is difficult but worth it. And I believe its an act of selfish.. Life's not our property to kill but others responsibility on us; all those who have been a part of it, all those who still care about our wellbeing. We decide to put an end on our sufferings by giving reasons for others to suffer. Its pretty easy to jump off the roof and end our life, ending all problems with it but what would happen to those who are heading a good life because of our presence. Our absence will create an un-repairable vacuum in their life.

OVERVIEW

The present suicide rate in India is over 100,000 people per year, which alone contributes to around 10% of world. The biggest hit amongst this is age-group 15 to 29 as this is the age when we are least capable of managing our insecurities and complete nonchalant to share it those who can better understand.

Apart all the research and gravity of the situation the reasons beyond each committed suicide are always debatable. What is important to note is Situation worsen and people change but there's a point beyond which nothing can go wrong...the break through; because after falling on ground there's just one way to go and that is up.

Well, there could be two possible reasons of you reading this post now : either you suddenly became interested in suicide like me or you planning ways to kill yourself..in either of two, you have better things to do. If you still stick to the plan of committing suicide then do it, not physically but mentally- end living for yourself but start living for those who need you..

Toddles

:)

Dream

In the middle of night, I would wake up
sweating,
breathing hard,
scared,
as the long seconds pass, I'd realise it was just a dream. The dream that always haunts me.
But I would never spend sleepless nights, if I didn't believe it could come true, I knew it would.
It did.
And I was shattered.
Yet, I still remember the nights I cried myself to sleep, just because you promised to kiss my tears away whenever they came out.
I waited.
Waited till my tears dried and I sank into sleep again,
without realising I'd see the same dream again and again.

The days, as they still, appeared as a eternity
and I hoped
time stopped at the moment I think of you.
I catch my breath when you pass by
hide my tears,
wave a hi.
You smile back at me, ask if I were alright.
I feel uttely glad that you did, though I know you never meant it.
With a flash, I smile, I bluntly lie.
I dug deep within myself to find all the courage needed to keep myself from saying, "I'm dying every second' and be another joke to you.

Now that I know we can only be in my dream together, where u say, "We can never be thogether." I'd see the dream always, just to see us together.
I'd still wait with tears in my eyes for sleep to come and startle me
because even in my dreams at times my heart skips a beat at your sight.