My Favorite Poem..NOT SELF COMPOSED

The Almost Marriage 

               by Amy Cavanaugh

Our deep blue Crystals of Eyes

Allow their sunny and smiling gazes

To touch: This is our Destiny

Carved out in Golden Stone.

I- Suicide himself am.

Commit me you nealy do

At your wide open window of Night.

Freedom's moon oversees you doll

up.

Your curvy slim frame you drape

In pale white: Freely flowing

In Privacy's Autumn Breeze.

Your sheer white curtains copy

And sway to the song sung beween

Conformity and Nonconformity.

Freedom's moon stifles her

Smirk: Silent- Silver- and Seductive like me.

Leaves conceal themselves. They crackle their

Crispy brown bodies as they drift down

To dirt and you- Eccentric-

Are pregnant with Envy herself.

I stand well- dressed in my

Black Suit- wait to catch

You- and sweep you away-

As I did with my father- Destiny!

Your Yellow Candle flickers in your window

Among the Dark and 'stars'

Lack Originality's vibrant wings by copying them.

Freedom's moon fades and

Turns her Black Back on such

Childish mimicry. Fireflies flash and

Keep 'chirping' insects company.

Your heart bleeds for the

Unbearable fact that they're unreachable

and Unpredictable. Your old wooden floor-

Creaks- beneath your- stone- cold feet-

Almost- Rejecting- Their Emptiness-

Inevitably- You are:

Itching- twitching-

Aching- breaking-

Sighing- dying-

HIDING 

Pieces of my puzZle..!

This is a dedication to al of them.. :)

Amit Bhimnani or as I like to call him Ummm-it . He is one of the guys who is always there for me.. I might not always be in touch with him, but he has a tendency to pop on the times when I need him the most. He is a total sweet heart and would rarely get offended by no matter how I treat him. He's like totally cool and never brags about it. He has a weird way of being a great friend and he's got no clue that I think so highly of him. Well, thats because I never let him...hehe.
He's got another weird thing that I simply love, 'Happy BirthDay' whenever I'm low or sad or just talking to him after long, he'd smile and say Happy BirhDay. I like it everytime, every single time it makes me feel better. Like I mentioned its weird, but I love it :)
My favorite thing about him is his height..when I first met him, I was all...whaaaattttt???? Ya he thinks its not a big deal and all..blah blah..but 'm like seriously into that. My sweetest buddy and a total flirt. For instance, how I came to know Amit, is through a call that was meant to be for my friend. And though we'd never heard about each other ever, we had a solid 20 mins conversation. Hmm..thats Amit.

Ambarish Dudey some one who never fails to support me. He would never think I could be wrong..but childishly stupid, pampered and arrogant. I think he's right :P I hate his name..although he thinks it's something to do with some God so its cool and all but whatever. Well, I'm still looking for a nick name for him. He calls me Minti *I-have-no-clue-why*, doesn't really bother me, the name's cool. Ambarish is the simplest person I've known and he is possibly the only person who's got zero complains from me. Everything that I do is eventually 'understand'able by him. He's sweet to the core and my life's 10,000+ problems are like turning into his favorite song that he has to listen over and over again, for the rest of life. When first I met him, it was on a railway station, wasn't much of a meeting though. Shockingly I've met him just once..and that date didn't go so well. Truly it ended terribly. But that kinda thing happens alot around me..For example Shrey Nigam.

Shrey..well..we've recently had a fight..so he wasn't so eager to hand his pic to me. We've known each other since 9th std..and we talked for the first time when..well there are two versions of how we started talking: HIS VERSION- according to him, he was singing In The End and I joined him then we talked; or MY VERSION-  according to me, he was singing In The End, wrong, and I corrected him then we talked. Well its obvious who's right. I haven't met him for over two years now and its great to see how we're still on so good terms, umm well if he starts talking to me again. I agree it's my mistake; I sort of lied to him, but it was required for then and please we're friends, right? So dude, if you ever read this, I AM SORRY. His nick name for me is insane :P which he totally is, apart from being a carefree jerk and most supporting moron :)

Finally, Tannya Brahme aka Honey, my bestest friend ever. She knows everything..EVERYTHING about me and my life. One hell of a great companion. She's amazingly sexy and another thing that only her close pals know is that she's very very emotional. At times she would cry seeing me cry and I would wonder what exactly is hurting her until I realized it was my pain that hurt her. She would always understand my weird talks and no matter how lame or pathetic or mostly, confusing they are. The only person who has self-proclaimed rights to shout at me when and where ever she wants to, or how-ever she wants to. The best part about her is that it takes a lot of strength to be mad at her; she has this weird charm or something. Whenever she does something I should be mad about or be ready to kill her, she'll just do something, I dunno what but something and so I never get a chance to be mad at her, let alone shout. Plus she doesnt let me be mad at anyone. She knows the secret of kicking my anger away..well its a secret yet hidden from me. When I first met her, I hated her. I thought she was arrogant and total show off like those 'plastic gals' And now when I think of it I realise that I wasn't so wrong after all.

I have realised that my friends have become such an integral part of my life that when in any problem and m alone, I imagine in my head what each of them whould be suggesting and I love every second of that insanity. My BFFs <3

Those unsaid words..

There have been a lot of times in our life when either we're asked something we don't want to answer or something that we want to but choose not to answer. Unfortunately, in both these situations some one gets hurt.
A friend ones told me, that the most difficult thing for him to do is not say things thats lingers within him. I always thought its just something he chose to believe, but recently I started to observe how much it hurts to hold back those thoughts, that you think, are meant to be heard. Isn't it important that what we think or believe, if ever, is challenged then should be vouched for?
I don't mean to start babbling out every word or thought jumping in and out of us; what I want to explain is how those mysterious smiles or awkward silences could be better handled with simple words.
Its easier to shout the first thing that comes to your mind, but the tougher part is to say actually what we feel. You see our mind has prenotions about absolutely everything and we usually ignore them.
I know you've heard it alot that some things are better unsaid but then its nothing more than a cliche; an excuse for those who regret hiding back their feelings. If something means so important, that the very thought of saying it out loud gives you goosebumps, then trust me its worth a shot to just express. Then again those prenotions aren't always correct, right? So at times it is relieving to know that what we didn't say was better kept so.
I have done both of those mistakes, more than just a couple of times. And I realised that you can obviously not un-do if you said something wrong but you can always make up for the damage caused. On the other hand things that you could have said but didn't, are simply a miss. Its like there's always a time for things and when you leave something unsaid, you loose that one precious moment that was given as a opportunity for you to make or break it.

It hurts both ways, to be expecting things that are never said and to not say that we so much want to. What holds us back is fear. Simple fear of committing a mistake, of being down-right wrong. And eventually, some things are always unsaid.
Take a chance and open you're heart to those you want to; 'cause those unsaid words, hurt the most.

A Random Dream

Another of those nights when it takes 4 episodes of 'How I Met Your Mother', couple of favorite songs and 1 winning match of Mahjong Titans to get me to sleep. Another of those nights when I think of my life's spoof- well, things I would have wanted in life, My fairytale version of absolutely everything. Another of those nights with another random dream...

Frame 1 : A not-so-ordinary hospital: high tech, nano instruments, open room except for a young couple and their newly born baby. They seemed happy, tears of joy rolling down their cheeks.

Scene change ..!

Frame 2 : Big open space, a cycle uncontrollably rushing across the street ridden by a playful green eyed boy and his mother calling him from the front door.

Scene change ..!

Frame 3 : Baby's 18th birthday. The birthday boy busy partying with his friends and the parents secretly weeping. They looked worried and had swollen eyes.

Scene change ..!

Frame 4 : Boy out with his parents celebration his first job but no one seemed happy. Fear and anxiety was holding every positive thought back.

Scene change ..!

Frame 5 : The boy had turned 28 and was standing with his wife and 3 yr old daughter next to his Parents. He talked to his father, hugged him and cried with him for the last time.

Scene change ..!

Frame 6 : The man had left his house. He was sitting alone in a dark room until the door opened and four men came. He knew it was to happen from the very beginning but being close to the moment, had shaken his soul. He could hardly see anything more then their silhouette but distinctly heard their words; those last words...

'Sir, due to the growing population the Governments all over the world has decided to keep the population under control through any means possible and hence no man is privileged to live beyond the 'age of limit'. We're sorry, but its in favor of all mankind.'

The second man moved towards him withdrawing a small injection from his pocket.

Sitting on the chair he closed his eyes for the last time, for ever.

EPILOGUE

I know it sounds lame to see a dream like this, but I some how felt how the earth is crashing down due to us and how every small mistake is leading to my dream. One dream I wish never turns into reality...one random dream.

Well not so random after all :P

Memory

Touches me softly,

it smiles,

I stay quiet.

Waiting to be taken over;

engulfed in the tenderness,

of your memory, as it smiles.. :)